Year 2000 winter, life seems to be at it's end.
Year 2000 winter, life seems to be at it's end.
— Saidul Hassan (@SaidulHassan) September 22, 2014
The whole year and the previous one, an ugly creature surfaced from within myself and destroyed whatever was mine and my family's dignity.
— Saidul Hassan (@SaidulHassan) September 22, 2014
I started abusing drugs heavily and completely destroy my social and academic life.
— Saidul Hassan (@SaidulHassan) September 22, 2014
Somehow I still survived college w/decent result, not good enough to be admitted to any reputed university in any good subject I had wished.
— Saidul Hassan (@SaidulHassan) September 22, 2014
The best I did in admission test was at JU in BBA, waiting list, could be possible if I could use my dad's freedom fighter quota.
— Saidul Hassan (@SaidulHassan) September 22, 2014
But fate took a prank on me as he never applied for the quota and getting his papers in place required more time than I had at that time.
— Saidul Hassan (@SaidulHassan) September 22, 2014
So only chance (slim) was from the usual waiting list but I was way behind the list to expect admission.
— Saidul Hassan (@SaidulHassan) September 22, 2014
On the day I was scheduled to meet the faculty and try my luck, I was 3 hours late.
— Saidul Hassan (@SaidulHassan) September 22, 2014
It was without any reasonable reason, mostly because I knew I don't have any chance there.
— Saidul Hassan (@SaidulHassan) September 22, 2014
So when I got there on the afternoon, the official said I missed my chance and the admission is closed.
— Saidul Hassan (@SaidulHassan) September 22, 2014
People from 30 position behind me was even admitted.
— Saidul Hassan (@SaidulHassan) September 22, 2014
Okay, he'll fell apart on me as I realized I had only one good chance and I missed it, for nothing but my own fault, again.
— Saidul Hassan (@SaidulHassan) September 22, 2014
Later I came to know my best friend got admitted who actually passed the exam cause I helped him in the test and his dad had influence.
— Saidul Hassan (@SaidulHassan) September 22, 2014
My family moved to Chittagong few days later.
— Saidul Hassan (@SaidulHassan) September 22, 2014
And I was completely wasted with drugs at that time.
— Saidul Hassan (@SaidulHassan) September 22, 2014
A week later I realized I'm not in Dhaka anymore.
— Saidul Hassan (@SaidulHassan) September 22, 2014
I found myself in an alien city, without friends, money, nothing at all that's familiar. Not even the local people's language.
— Saidul Hassan (@SaidulHassan) September 22, 2014
Or even the culture, or even the public transport system. Only thing that felt good at that time was the cleanliness of the city.
— Saidul Hassan (@SaidulHassan) September 22, 2014
And perhaps the hilly terrain.
— Saidul Hassan (@SaidulHassan) September 22, 2014
It wasn't long before I started to realize, live has started to payback.
— Saidul Hassan (@SaidulHassan) September 22, 2014
I had absolutely nothing to do, nowhere to go, nobody to talk to, and no pennies.
— Saidul Hassan (@SaidulHassan) September 22, 2014
I remember I even didn't have money to buy tea or cigarettes once in a day, sometimes for weeks.
— Saidul Hassan (@SaidulHassan) September 22, 2014
After a few months things started to settle with me.
— Saidul Hassan (@SaidulHassan) September 22, 2014
Opened my eyes for the first time and looked around. My life reflected my life for the past few years and my deeds.
— Saidul Hassan (@SaidulHassan) September 22, 2014
Then I knew, it was I myself who caused this and it's only I who can bring myself out of this misery.
— Saidul Hassan (@SaidulHassan) September 23, 2014
It was only then I started to feel less restless and calm.
— Saidul Hassan (@SaidulHassan) September 23, 2014
I walked all over the city, to unknown places and started to enjoy and realize how beautiful this port city is.
— Saidul Hassan (@SaidulHassan) September 23, 2014
I also started to read. My only getaway to run out of this life.
— Saidul Hassan (@SaidulHassan) September 23, 2014
Didn't have much resources to read at that time.
— Saidul Hassan (@SaidulHassan) September 23, 2014
So I read anything and everything I could get my hands on.
— Saidul Hassan (@SaidulHassan) September 23, 2014
Including stale newspapers, magazines, academic books, history, literatures, anything…
— Saidul Hassan (@SaidulHassan) September 23, 2014
A girl from my top floor helped me on this a lot. I think she also liked spending time with me teaching me the way of life there.
— Saidul Hassan (@SaidulHassan) September 23, 2014
And of course we discussed things I read and the next thing she'd get me to read.
— Saidul Hassan (@SaidulHassan) September 23, 2014
Most of our discussion was on literature. Sometimes losing track of time.
— Saidul Hassan (@SaidulHassan) September 23, 2014
She had like dozens of siblings and her family was poor.
— Saidul Hassan (@SaidulHassan) September 23, 2014
I guess she also tried to escape from her usual life thorough the discussion we did.
— Saidul Hassan (@SaidulHassan) September 23, 2014
She was elder of her siblings. Aged for her marriage considering the average age of girls here for marriage.
— Saidul Hassan (@SaidulHassan) September 23, 2014
It was even started to surface a rumor that we're having an affair.
— Saidul Hassan (@SaidulHassan) September 23, 2014
Btw, she's like 6-7 years older than me. She was more like an elder sister to me which I'd always craved for.
— Saidul Hassan (@SaidulHassan) September 23, 2014
Though I can't deny after all this years that there had been moments of slippery minds, especially being never been with a women before.
— Saidul Hassan (@SaidulHassan) September 23, 2014
Anyway, had more pressing matters on mind. I had to find a way to earn money, visit my lovely sincity Dhaka.
— Saidul Hassan (@SaidulHassan) September 23, 2014
And most importantly getting admission to a university, that was the last chance in my academic year as well.
— Saidul Hassan (@SaidulHassan) September 23, 2014
So I started to tutor kids of my neighbour. Having a good academic record for 5th and 8th grade scholarships, people was eager to employ me!
— Saidul Hassan (@SaidulHassan) September 23, 2014
So money problem started to go away.
— Saidul Hassan (@SaidulHassan) September 23, 2014
And I started to visit Dhaka frequently to friends place.
— Saidul Hassan (@SaidulHassan) September 23, 2014
Found lots of water under the bridge. Nobody was there from my past life.
— Saidul Hassan (@SaidulHassan) September 23, 2014
And it was time to study for the admission tests too.
— Saidul Hassan (@SaidulHassan) September 23, 2014
Funny that I even got some fans there who thought I am genius & bribed me to get help w/solving math problems, GMAT's analytical sections.
— Saidul Hassan (@SaidulHassan) September 23, 2014
So things started to roll out in my favor gradually.
— Saidul Hassan (@SaidulHassan) September 23, 2014
They knew I had a thing for liquors, so they even brought me to the sea beach once our twice a week.
— Saidul Hassan (@SaidulHassan) September 23, 2014
We'd spend the day under the shady trees, help them with math and analytical this and I kept drinking bears.
— Saidul Hassan (@SaidulHassan) September 23, 2014
Gosh! Life felt so lavish at those moments.
— Saidul Hassan (@SaidulHassan) September 23, 2014
In fact those are one of the moments I still crave for to recreate!
— Saidul Hassan (@SaidulHassan) September 23, 2014
About with admission of my own, somehow I was determined I must have to get admission to BBA from JU.
— Saidul Hassan (@SaidulHassan) September 23, 2014
When result came out, turned out I got admission everywhere I applied, of course except IBA.
— Saidul Hassan (@SaidulHassan) September 23, 2014
I heard some good things about the BBA from KU, so I consulted a guy from IBA who seemed smart. He suggested toward KU.
— Saidul Hassan (@SaidulHassan) September 23, 2014
Also even though I've waited the whole year only to get to JU, when I really was there, it felt worthless.
— Saidul Hassan (@SaidulHassan) September 23, 2014
And since an alien city turned out to be so beautiful, I was kind of secretly looking forward to invade another new city, Khulna!
— Saidul Hassan (@SaidulHassan) September 23, 2014
However, as an academic decision, I was never sure if I was going to make the right decision.
— Saidul Hassan (@SaidulHassan) September 23, 2014
And I actually regretted the whole first year. There was nothing to compare khulna to Chittagong.
— Saidul Hassan (@SaidulHassan) September 23, 2014
When I got there, it was like a poor, abandoned, district, or maybe an upozilla city.
— Saidul Hassan (@SaidulHassan) September 23, 2014
People are poor, meaner, selfish and absolutely nothing to get away. And the dialect, that sounded so funny.
— Saidul Hassan (@SaidulHassan) September 23, 2014
Well, after this 14 years I'm glad and grateful that I had a life that I had.
— Saidul Hassan (@SaidulHassan) September 23, 2014
Because that's how I found myself in a better way.
— Saidul Hassan (@SaidulHassan) September 23, 2014
And in the struggle to find myself, I learned a lot of things that I'm made of today.
— Saidul Hassan (@SaidulHassan) September 23, 2014
But I guess there'll always be some moments you'll always keep in your golden chest and cherish them till death.
— Saidul Hassan (@SaidulHassan) September 23, 2014
And there'll be moments of confusion, moment of making a single decision that will change the course of your life.
— Saidul Hassan (@SaidulHassan) September 23, 2014
I wish and pray I always end up with realizing I'm happy for what I choose, not for what I was left with.
— Saidul Hassan (@SaidulHassan) September 23, 2014
Other big stones I will always remember are a beautiful river named Boral, the first girl I feel in love with, and maybe Sonja.
— Saidul Hassan (@SaidulHassan) September 23, 2014
Maybe I'll become mushy again and share those stories with the world someday.
— Saidul Hassan (@SaidulHassan) September 23, 2014
Saidul Hassan